Communist rabble-rouser and socialist firebrand, Jeremy Corbyn, today announced the central plank of his party’s manifesto pledge will be to build a wall between England and the Civilised World.

While Theresa May has been standing in a corner with her fingers in her ears, simultaneously claiming that a Scottish Independence vote is just “playing nationalist political games” and comprehensively denying that her own party’s Brexit strategy is anything like nationalist political game-playing, the leader of the Labour Party has been in talks with pint-sized SNP troublemaker, Nichola Sturgeon.

In today’s stunning announcement, Jezza explained that he has agreed to push through an emergency Act of Disunion the moment he gets his foot in the door at No. 10. and Nicola has reciprocated by suggesting that the Scottish people will pay for the construction.

A Labour Party apparatchik explained: “We looked at options for repairing the old wall, but the best quotes we could get were from Polish or Mexican firms, and we really can’t be doing with the endless immigration earache we’d get from Farage on UKIP media outlets like the BBC and Daily Mail.”

“This way we can get the Jocks to build it from scratch, and they can stay on their own side to do it. Immigration anxieties all solved.”

When asked what the consequences would be for Scottish Labour, Mr. Corbyn backed off into a corner of the room, muttering “I don’t play your game, you know.”

The Party spokesperson later clarified.

“We haven’t really had time to talk to Kezia about it, to be honest. But we’re hoping that by the time she finds out, there’ll be 300 miles and 30 ft. of solid masonry between her and Jeremy.”

 

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