That bloke in charge of the Liberal Democrats and Vince Cable are confused today as people keep calling them Tory lite.

“We’re totally against Brexit,” explained Cable, “SO how can we be anything like the Tories, well except the several Tories who are also against Brexit. But if I count them then what I’ve just said would be ridiculous. Can I have a cup of Horlicks please? It’s time for my afternoon nap.”

Meanwhile whathisface, who nobody has actually heard of or recognises (and that’s just in his constituency!) is confident that he will soon be in government.

“Well we could certainly win but we won’t form a coalition with the Labour Party that’s for sure,” he said, “But we might with the Tories. Though how that would lead to people thinking we’re Tory lite, I don’t know.”

He also explained that his party were incredibly effective at stopping the worst policies of the Tories when in coalition for them:

“Don’t laugh! It’s not funny! They were going to change the biscuits in the cabinet meetings to Nice and Rich Tea only but we put a stop to that,” he explained, “we insisted on Rocky Bars and those little wafer things with chocolate flavour coating. Imagine how bad it could have been without us there to mitigate the worse instincts of the Conservative Party!”

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.