Like the irritating eager new guy at work, dark Sith Lord and unelected PM, Theresa May, announced a snap general election 15 minutes before she was supposed to at 11:00am, pissing everyone right off.
Surrounded by the corpses of 99 dalmations out of shot, whilst stroking two live ones, she declared;
“You keep saying I’m not elected and I don’t like it, so now you will elect
me. You have no choice, Mu ha ha ha haaah.”
After composing herself she continued;
“After all, what’s the alternative? That traitor Farron who shits all over the will of the people, or Chairman Corbyn who wants to protect the UK with a pea shooter and hemp?”
The shock announcement has left key Labour MP’s struggling to come up with a plan of action. It was earlier reported that David Milliband had 32 missed calls and someone even considered phoning Tony Blair.
After the announcement a chief aide of Mrs. May overheard her saying;
“Winning a general election will be easier than taking benefits from orphans! It will even be easier than telling children whose houses we’ve bombed that they can’t come in. Mu ha ha ha haaa.”