Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron feels his party is heading for glory, glory hallelujah in the newly called June election, and that he is ready for the challenge of leading humanity to salvation.
Speaking to the Rochdale Herald’s Sunday religious supplement which so few people read we’ve actually forgotten what it’s called, Farron announced that the fact that May called the election only one day after Easter boded well for his party’s election prospects.
“If Jesus can rise from the dead on a Monday and Mrs May calls an election on the Tuesday, I feel we as Liberal democrats can go marching to glory on Thursday, even if the Thursday in question happens to be three months away in the Gregorian calendar,” he said.
Commenting plans for his premiership Farron confirmed that high on his agenda would be the reintroduction of compulsory Christian prayers in schools.
“That should go a long way to reuniting the country as it will appeal to the extremists of the far right and bring them back to the true faith of their fathers,” he said explaining that children of other religions will not be obliged to join in but can just stand around looking vaguely embarrassed like in the good old days.
“As for Brexit and all that other political stuff, that can wait until after harvest festival by which time I should have remembered the names of some of my MPs and figured out what exactly it was we were elected for,” he added.