Diane Abbott was resurrected this afternoon to speak to a journalist of sorts, on the BBC.

Ms Abbott used one of her last possible outings as a politician of um, importance, to offer the British people a choice.

“On June the 8th you can vote for Theresa May’s hard, cruel, nasty Brexit which will literally kill kittens”

She paused here to sob quietly for the possible loss of kittens mid-year, before continuing,

“Or you can vote for the bright, sunny, candy flavoured Brexit that Jeremy and friends will offer you!”

Apparently the bright, sunny Brexit Labour are offering still involves massive job losses over the next couple of years, still involves horrifying increases in the costs of living for those least able to afford it, still involves diplomatic isolation by ensuring an incompetent government ill-suited to the big game of geopolitics, still involves paying into the EU and adhering to regulations without any control anymore over the rules of the game, still involves validating an anachronistic view of the UK that isn’t rooted in an understanding of history and validates racism and xenophobia, still involves the most probably break up of the UK into
separate countries, but it will be presented in a cuddlier way.

It’s clear the brains guiding the vote (singular) seeking missile that is the Labour Party, since the pacifist Corbyn took over after spending years paying homage to murderous revolutionaries to better underline his peace loving potential, have learned the hard lessons of the demise of UKIP since the referendum on EU membership on the 23rd June 2016.

“UKIP didn’t offer a cuddly alternative.” Ms Abbott opined.

“They just kept offering the government’s line. Which was silly. Because they should have realised they were now the government and stopped trying to be anything else. The government realised they were now UKIP.”

Here Ms Abbott paused to gaze blankly out of the window, before continuing,

“UKIP are silly. We in the Labour leadership are razor sharp. We’re offering you a word pillow to hold in front of your face as Brexit punches the living shit out of you and your children’s future. We’re the real alternative.”

Apparently the Liberal Democrats have welcomed the Labour Party stance on Brexit for allowing them a clear shot at the votes of millions of people who may normally have voted for either Labour or Conservative.

“I just can’t stop fucking laughing.” Tim Farron stated. “Seriously. My eyes are watering.”

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