Jeremy Corbyn met a press conference today to tell the British public exactly how delighted he is that Theresa May has called a snap general election.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He told the assembled press pack, adding. “Fuckity fuck fuck.”

Mr Corbyn who has developed an absolute brilliant relationship with the press over the last couple of years went on to explain how he was excited at the prospect of offering the electorate real choice and will stand up for the most vulnerable etc etc minimum wage and so forth etc.

“Fuck, fuck, fuckity bollocks, fuck.” He continued.

He went on to say something about how the press ignores his policies or something but our correspondent had nodded off.

The Tories are looking forward to selling off NHS patients to glue factories and reopening workhouses by July.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.