Downing Street has defended its decision not to send Boris Johnson to Russia on Monday.

The decision came in the aftermath of the chemical weapons attack and America’s response.

“We thought that with them expecting a visit from US Secretary of State Rex Tillerson,” explained Kevin McPawn, a spokestwerp for number 10, “it might be a bit dangerous to send another moron with all the diplomatic skills of a bag of skunk shit. We’ll wait for G7 where we can keep Boris away from the bar.”

The Russian administration said that the UK is a piddling little country and they hadn’t even wanted to talk to them anyway so there.

Alex Salmond, who apparently used to be vaguely important, said that the Foreign Secretary had made himself look silly.

“It’s Boris bloody Johnson,” said McPawn, “This is probably the least silly he’s ever looked. Doesn’t this Alex Trout bloke know who Boris is?”

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.