Last year vegans and social justice warriors, fighting on behalf of un-offended Hindus and Sikhs, absolutely lost their shit because of the Bank of England’s new £5 notes.

‘Tallowgate l’, as it became known, sparked immense anger due to the discovery of 0.00007 grams of tallow (animal fat) used as an ingredient in each of the new £5 notes.

The Bank of England has since decided to avoid bad press in the making of the new £20 notes and have started looking at other materials.  Palm oil, has been considered; although the palm oil industry causes roughly 8% of the planet’s deforestation and contributes to displacement of indigenous peoples and the death and endangerment of millions of animals;
Vegans have praised the choice.

Yesterday the Herald spoke to Stacy, a self proclaimed vegan warrior, picketing outside a Natwest branch.  She said “We don’t care that animals are actually dying inadvertently in the production process, we’re happy with an end product that is metaphorically blood stained, as long as it’s not actually containing anything from dead animals.”

However, a great deal of sensible people have highlighted the ethics of using the controversial palm oil in the new £20 notes.

The Herald was given the following statement from a Bank of England spokesman:
“After consideration, I have spoken to the head the Bank’s Research and Development department; we have settled upon the use of fat rendered from the carcass of Stacy the vegan.

“No one has shown any objection, since nobody actually cares about these hypocritical, reactionary bores”

 

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