It’s always been said that there’s more to yoga than the lotus position, but it has been revealed recently that the true aim is to become so supple as to be able to get your head up your own backside.

“It’s all about bending and stretching,” Yoga instructor Ivana Brownhead explains. “If you can stretch far enough and bend around enough, you can actually position your head so it pushes between your buttocks.”

She went on to insist that the goal of yoga is nothing to do with the physical positioning of one’s body, but finding inner peace. “With your head up your own backside,” she explained, “you are completely shut out from the world around you and able to experience total inner peace.”

The reaction of the pupils in Mrs Brownhead’s class on hearing this was somewhat less than reverential. Eye-rolling and sniggering seemed to be the order of the day, with many of them saying Mrs Brownhead had obviously been experiencing total inner peace without disturbance for many years now.

This viewpoint was certainly shared by her estranged husband Donovan Brownhead. “She’s had her head up her arse for so long now,” he added, “I can’t remember what it looks like.”

We understand Mr and Mrs Brownhead are in the process of getting a divorce. We wish them the best of luck.

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