The Kremlin announced today that David Cameron is to be recognised as a Hero of the Russian Federation, the highest honour that can be bestowed by President Putin.
The announcement followed immediately after Theresa May declared that the Article 50 trigger will be taking place on Wednesday 29th March.
A spokesman for the Russian Embassy explained that this honour was in recognition of Cameron’s excellent work in destabilising Western Europe by single-handedly marching the United Kingdom off a cliff of petty nationalism, unfettered racism and economic ignorance.
“It is an unprecedented act of heroism, in service to our glorious Motherland and at the behest of our esteemed Leader,” he said. “If all he did was to extricate Britain from the EU, Russia would be forever in David’s debt, but he did more.”
“His brazen acts of love with a pig helped discredit Western politicians to such an extent that we could put a tangerine-coloured moron with the intellect of a gnat into the White House.”
“Fake news! Fake news!,” he chortled. “You idiots will believe anything and everything now!”
Sources inside the Labour Party say that Jeremy Corbyn is livid with envy.