Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services.

Although ATOS, the company used to assess work capacity, has come under fire from campaign groups, funeral services around Rochdale have applauded the company hired by the government.

“It means individuals who’ve been dragging out life are now dying thanks to a lack of vital health and financial aid.” said the director of a Hayworth funeral home.

Rob Bradley, a contracted gardener hired by the council to clear out the gardens of the recently empty council houses, has mixed feelings about his fully booked diary.  He said:

“These gardens are a mess, overgrown and wild, I have my work cut out. Actually, all this bindweed reminds me of the average Tory; creeping out of unexpected places, killing everything nice and securing its exclusive place in the sun.”