Peter Dutton, Australia’s Immigration Minister, launched a scathing attack on Australia’s business leaders following their public support for the legalisation of gay marriage.

Heads of some of the country’s largest companies, including Qantas and the Commonwealth Bank, wrote to Prime Minister Turnbull, requesting that same-sex marriage be legalised as, “equality is good for business, employees, customers and Australia.”

Immigration Minister Dutton was quick to lash out, telling company chiefs to stop shoving “your politically correct views down our throats” and instead focus on running their businesses. “I just think it’s high time these people pulled back from these moralistic stances and we’d be a better society without them,” he said.

Lauren Pokes, the Rochdale Herald’s Australian correspondent, pressed the Immigration Minister for clarification.

“It’s bloody simple, Lauren. All those bloody whingers bloody lobbying for this and that. If it’s not the bloody Communists moaning about off-shore detention, now we have to put up with the bloody business leaders lobbying for poofters to run round our streets in their bloody lycra.”

“What about the moral issue of same-sex marriage, Minister? Isn’t that important?”

“When the fuck did morals have anything to do with running a country? I thank God every day for my strong Christian values. Why can’t people just shut the fuck up and accept intolerance, bigotry and abuse?” I dream of the good old days when I was Queensland Police Chief. A good kicking and a few deaths in custody never did anyone any harm.”

Lauren asked for a statement from the business community and one prominent business leader who preferred to remain anonymous, stated:

“Look Lauren, I’m a real Aussie bloke and definitely not a poofter, although a bit of lezzo porn action does get me horny. However, I’m a practical man. If we can make money out of all those queers, then it’s all right by me.”

Lauren asked Minister Dutton for a final comment.

“Happy to oblige, Lauren. Anyone who bloody objects to my facts will be sent to Manus Island, or Nauru. This is what democracy is all about.”

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