UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to trigger article 50.

Although bendy bananas are not strictly allowed back into the UK for the next two years, while the terms of Brexit are negotiated, many supermarkets have ‘jumped the gun’ and stocked up on the pliant yellow fruit. Shoppers were overjoyed – many in tears, as lines of consumers, trolleys loaded with bananas, queued at checkouts.

“It’s like all my Christmases have come at once…”, exclaimed Mr. P. Nuttall of Stoke, tears streaming down his little bigoted face. “…the last 20 years have been hell. Only straight bananas available, and although I’m not prejudiced against undeviating fruit, they just don’t taste the same and have never made the effort to integrate into our culture.”

Another unexpected benefit of the Brexit vote has been seen in rural areas. Mr Xennor Fobe, a farmer in South Devon explained: “The council have never ever said that they were going to purchase my field and build a mosque, a multi-cultural centre and a refugee shelter on my farm. But now that article 50 can be triggered, I more certain that they are never, ever, not going to never not build them ever tomorrow.”

Mr Fobe has applied for planning permission to build a workhouse, complete with treadmill, to provide much needed local employment when Brexit finally happens.

“Our gruel is the best in the world, and with EU employment protection out of the window, things are finally going to open up for the unemployed in Devon.”

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