Scotland’s first minister has said autumn 2018 would be a “common sense” date for a 4th independence referendum.

Nicola Sturgeon continued to insist, however, that English arrogance, the poor performance of Celtic in the Champions League & her hairdresser closing on Bank Holidays would “automatically trigger IndyRef 5 & 6”.

In a BBC interview, she said she would continue with her relentless “the last goal is the winner” policy of continuous Referenda until “Scotland agrees that my half-baked nonsense is right for the country”.

UK Government minister Michael Fallon said there was “no need” for a 7th referendum on the issue “unless Brigadoon reappears with a population of 500,000 swivel-eyed SNP members”.

SNP economic spokesman Stewart Hosie told BBC Breakfast: “The key thing is will Celtic progress to the Champion’s League group stages? And will the BBC commission a new series of Monarch of the Glen? We need to throw off the yolk of the Westminster Junta and replace it with foaming mouthed Marxists out of the Gorbals” he screamed barely coherently.

“And secondly, will they actually accept, into the UK negotiated position, the very sensible suggestion put forward by Nicola Sturgeon, that Marty Pellow should win Eurovision 2019… if they reject it out of hand then, as the First Minister has said previously, it does make an 8th independence referendum a certainty”.

He also agreed with Ms Sturgeon that Scotland is going to build a wall on the English border and that “y’know what? England is going to pay for it!”…..On that point, he may be right…….

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