Detailed plans of the Vanguard submarine and Trident nuclear defence system have been discovered in Haywood.

It’s not currently clear how the detailed specification drawings and 300 page dossier made its way into the Haywood fish bar, but it appears the plans have been used to wrap up portions of fish and chips.

Residents complained about several helicopters and fast moving black 4x4s making a nuisance in the area throughout the day and at approximately 19:30 locals were alarmed to witness a raid by Tactical Armed Unit police at the popular fish and chips shop.

A witness, Robert Butler, of Gorsey Hill street, told the Herald; 

“I was on my way to the chippy to get a steak pudding and chips, when I was stopped by a guy in a black suit and sunglasses. All of a sudden there was a flash followed by a bang and then a half dozen SAS looking guys stormed through into the Fish bar.

Peter, the young lad that peels the spuds, was dragged out with a black bag over his head and thrown into the back of a van.”

The Herald is waiting for a response from the Ministry of Defence.

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.