President Donald J. Trump has come up with an ingenious solution to prevent Obama from ‘spying on his thoughts’. He now wears a tinfoil hat in the White House and is equipping all his staff and bodyguards with them as well.
Trump signed an executive order yesterday requiring all Republican senators and congressmen to wear the hats so that the Democrats will be unable to tune into their brains, read their minds and plant ideas in their heads.
“This stuff has been bigley researched…” said Trump, “…alongside radioactive uranium, mind control can also be used for bad things. Way back in 1927 a guy called Julian Huxley noted that wearing a tinfoil hat could stop telepathic control, mind reading and microwaves. This is serious science shit…”
Trump is convinced that many of the more stupid ideas he has had since taking office are the result of ‘mind control’ by an undercover cabal of Democrats who want him to be impeached. “I would never have come up with the dick-brain ideas that have oozed out of me were it not for Obama and his alien buddies pushing this stuff into my noodle…”, he remarked.
The value of the aluminium foil industry has soared on the stock market, with traders rushing to buy shares as millions of Trump supporters begin to empty supermarkets of rolls of shiny silver foil.