Emboldened by her landslide victory in the Copeland By-Election, new MP Trudy Harrison has announced that she is leaving the Conservative Party to campaign for “a newer, independent Cumbria away from the UK”.
The new party, Cumbria for UK Exit – or CUMFUK – claims it will be able to repatriate £350 PER WEEK from in contributions to the UK budget. They also believe that fishing rights in the Wharfe Valley will also come their way with upwards of 3 Perch caught on the river every day.
“I have been given a clear mandate by the right-thinking, pensioner aged, uneducated majority of Whitehaven to secure the future that they won’t be around to see” said Mrs Harrison “and only CUMFUK can close the border with Carlisle”
Critics have claim that not all of the £350 will come back to Whitehaven as it has 37% adult unemployment and that Carlisle is actually part of Cumbia.
However, spokesman Barry Birdseye of the “Are You Actually Fucking Serious Coalition” conceded “She has already sprayed ‘£350 per Week For the Whitehaven Fishermans Welfare Club’ on the side of an old Transit Van so we are basically fucked.”