NHS hating, pathological liar and leader of UKIP, Paul Nuttall, has today pulled out of the Stoke by-election after it was revealed that his remaining close personal friends were killed in the Swedish terror attack last Friday.

Paul Nuttall said in statement passed to the Herald, “I need time to mourn; this a time of great loss and I’m sure everyone will respect my privacy and let me grieve in peace in my home, wherever that is.”

It  is important to remember that losing your imaginary friends, however old you are, is a big step towards adulthood.

Psychologists say that children use imaginary friends as a way of making sense of the world and their place in it – which sort of makes sense because it is certain that there isn’t a place for nutty story telling Kippers in purple ties anywhere.

This reporter is off to the bookies to stick a fiver on Nuttall being the first man to do a sub 3 minute mile.

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Dermot writes all of his articles in mixed media (mostly crayons and drool) he finds this style most fits his journalistic style, these are then sent to a room with 100 monkeys at typewriters, eventually something is published.