In an unprecedented move, UKIP leader and shampoo user of the year 2008, Paul Nuttall, has finally come clean about his much debated past.
“Now that my position is looking shaky and that Nigel is trying to worm his way back into the job after being rejected as one of Trumps golden boys, I feel it is time to get everything out in the open”
He continued to detail his movements from 1989 onwards. “After being shaken and deeply affected by what I apparently saw at a football match I can’t prove I was at, I decided to focus my energies elsewhere. I was too shaken by Hillsborough to even mention it or campaign for the truth for over twenty years and when I did, it was only to try and boost my profile and that shouldn’t have been put out”
“So I decided to go into comedy acting with one of the friends I lived with as a student in the eighties. I starred as Eddie Hitler, the name was my idea as I am a big fan. We got up to all kinds of funny stuff and I continued the madcap mayhem in my political career”
When we asked what was next, Mr Nuttall stopped the interview and said he “needed time to make something up first.”