In a shock move Thursday Paul Nuttall, Member of the European Parliament for North West England EP and leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) has resigned from the post of Archbishop of Canterbury, a post he has not held since entering active politics in 2002.
The announcement, made via Nuttall’s personal Internet site gave no reason for the sudden decision to resign from the post of archbishop, and did not make it clear whether he planned to continue to not serve as a member of the Church of England clergy.
However coming only a day after the Church of England General Synod took a step towards allowing same sex marriage in Anglican churches, sources close to Mr Nuttella’s own personal office speculated off the record that he may have decided to take a moral stand against men in silk frocks with big silly hats performing marriage ceremonies on pairs of men in suits and ties, on consecrated ground.
This suggestion was lent credence by reports that prior to his resignation Mr Nutjob had entered the Synod through the tradesman’s’ entrance and assaulted the Bishop of Bath and Wells, punching him in the lufer and accusing him of being ” a big jessie in a dress”.
Speaking to the Rochdale Herald’s religious affairs supplement, a spokesman for Lambeth Palace Ms. Annette Andant-Godot confirmed that they had seen the reports of Mr Nutrasweet’s resignation but that they were not in a position to confirm that he had ever held the post of archbishop.
“Frankly until yesterday we’d never actually heard of him, she said explaining that no matter how liberal it was becoming the C of E still takes a very dim view of violence and profanity.
“Whatever your views on same sex marriage, bashing your bishop in public is simply not acceptable behaviour in the modern church, no matter what colour dress he’s wearing,” she added.
A spokesperson for UKIP party headquarters denied that Mr Nutkins had attended the Synod, pointing out that as the UKIP candidate in the Stoke-on-Trent by election he was far too busy campaigning.
“He’s been out on the stump all week. Can’t imagine he’d want to be hanging out with a bunch of men in frocks and pointy hats – not unless they could do him a tweed one, with a flat hat,” he said.