Imagine the scenario: you are in a pub, when a local starts spouting racist nonsense. You have an overwhelming desire to stand up and punch him in the face. Sounds familiar?

Professor Miriam M’beki of the University of Stellenbosch, South Africa, certainly thinks so. “I was looking at what happens when a particle of matter collides with a particle of antimatter. They annihilate each other in a huge burst of energy. I wondered why this doesn’t happen when racists and anti-racists come together.”

A new research project was put together to investigate. BIGARSE (Bigotry And Racism Sourced Energy) is breaking new ground in the Rainbow Nation. “South Africa is a world leader in this technology as we have endured racist twattery for hundreds of years,” said M’beki, adding, “…we found that the confounding factor that prevents mutual annihilation is intelligence.”

The overwhelming majority of racists are fundamentally stupid. This can be seen, says a new BIGARSE paper, in the poverty of language enjoyed by most bigots. Anti-racists, on the other hand, tend to be more intelligent – they enjoy correcting the appalling spelling, atrocious grammar and execrable punctuation of racists and bigots on the internet and take a great deal of joy in ‘trolling’ and ridiculing racist attitudes.

M’beki notes that, “…no matter how many times an intelligent person hears arrant racist nonsense, the overwhelming impulse to twat the offending dickbrain round the head or belittle the ignorant gob-shite remains the same. Where does this energy come from? Could we harness it and put it to good use?”

BIGARSE has postulated that capturing this energy could provide the world with enough power to satisfy our needs for thousands of years. “America and Britain, on their own, seem to have an almost endless supply of ignorant, bigoted cockwombles. Putting just a few of them into a room with anti-racists could provide enough raw power to service an entire city.

Unlike nuclear technology, the fuel can be safely disposed of after use. The exhausted dickwads can be educated out of their nonsensical beliefs and recycled back into society.

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