Joyful celebrations were heard throughout the Kingdom after it was confirmed that Prince Nuttall of UKIP had awakened Princess Populace with a kiss.

Handsome Prince Nuttall hacked his way through a thorny defensive barrier surrounding Castle Electorate. The barrier was composed of truth and tolerance. The brave Prince said, “Simply ignoring truth and tolerance is the only way to the heart of the Princess”.

Prince Nuttall has further revealed that it was he, not Saint George, who slew the dragon. He had just returned from driving all the snakes out of Ireland when he heard the legend of the overwhelming gullibility of Britain’s sleeping Populace. “I thought, I’ll have a piece of that!” remarked the virile warrior.

Populace fell asleep decades ago when pricked by a spindle devised by the spin doctors of Wizard Tony Blair.

The kiss itself was also created by magic – specially formulated by UKIP’s top wizards and consisting of lies, half-truths, bigotry, xenophobia and racism, specifically designed to appeal to the slumbering Populace.

Princess Populace and Prince Nuttall will be wed in the near future, after which Populace will be well and truly fucked. “When Prince Nuttall lies to me, I will just lie back and think of England,” said Populace.

It will be an exclusively white wedding.

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