Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, Tom Watson, has denied rumours that recent focus groups conducted by the party to determine popularity of alternative leaders involved simulated car accidents in which Jeremy Corbyn was involved in hit and run incidents.

“It didn’t happen.” Watson responded, when asked for comment. “Well, the focus groups did happen. Road tests of this nature are routine.

But rumours participants were invited to select which make of car they would be most likely to run Jeremy over in are incorrect.

And even if that had happened, they would only have been incapacitating events. A broken ankle. The hip fractured in multiple places. Things like that. A long hospital stay.”

Watson was further forced to deny that images circulating online of him dressed as a blindfolded lollipop man loitering at intersections near to Mr Corbyn’s home and asking passers by, “Are you Jeremy? Would you like help crossing the road?”, were indeed of him.

“Who do you think I am?” Watson looked visibly irritated. “George Osborne? Do I look like I’ve got time to hang about in fluorescent jackets? I’ve a Reliant Robin to get ready for an M.O.T.”