A Rochdale man has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital today after contracting racism from a close encounter with the Daily Mail. 

Colin Nigelsson, a liberal from Broadfield Park has for years habitually used the paper for toilet roll as a means of rebellion. But it is believed he wiped his bottom with a particularly virulent strain of Katie Hopkins opinion and contracted foaming racism complicated by Gonorrhea.

After verbally abusing a 12 year old Indian boy on a bus for obviously really being 28, then repeatedly calling a policeman who intervened an “enemy of the people”, he was subdued with the soothing sounds of Lord Rothmere’s tax return being read aloud.

Now under heavy sedation in Hospital, Mr Nigelsson has undergone an arsehole transplant in an attempt to cure him. It’s too late for results to be clear, but early exposure to Piers Morgan has yielded positive results with severe retching and anal leakage.

Mr Nigelsson has asked that he is merely left with the stigma of having gonorrhea.

Get monthly highlights in your inbox