High end retailer, Lewis Veeton Moway, has closed its doors for the last time, citing poor sales despite a massive promotional campaign.

Rupert Cholmondley-Featherstonehaugh, the CEO of the bling-to-Bentley store, said, “We had little option but to cease trading despite our generous online offering. Our turnover and profit were rather average beforehand and in an effort, fruitless it would appear, to broaden our market penetration, we embarked on a campaign using social media whereby we would offer, for instance, a Maserati, a Breitling watch, or a Victorian-style conservatory to one lucky person.”

He added ruefully, “We are frankly baffled. All they had to do was like or share our Facebook page and every month we would draw one name at random. Unfortunately, all the responses we received were that it was a scam, that we were ‘like farmers’ and that we should insert the offer up our recta.”

Liquidator, Arthur Bricke, said that prospects for creditors were poor. “Assets are two Aston Martins, a 10 metre motor cruiser and a bijou cottage in Salcombe, which I’ll hold onto for a year or two on the off chance they’ll go up in value.”

 

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