The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police diverted from their tactic of arresting people under out of context anti trade-union law and instead arrested a tree.

Police officer Inspector Ian ‘Judge’ Dredd-Shrubs took time off making the law up as he went along to say;

“The tree was standing within the cordoned off area and was obstructing the lawfully entitled profiteers, Amey Environmental Rapists Ltd from hacking down a neighbouring tree. Despite numerous warnings to get behind the barrier, the tree refused to move and was arrested.”

The horse chestnut tree, Colin (126) maintained a stoic silence when asked for comment.

Sheffield City Councillor Brian Stodge (84) said “The trees are all diseased and dying, except those that aren’t. And unfortunately in order to accommodate a contract with some Spaniards that I have never even seen, a further eighty thousand trees must be felled by next Thursday.”

When asked whether it was not the height of hypocrisy for a Labour council, particularly one in the area of Orgreave, to be using anti trade-union law to arrest its own citizens, Mr Stodge spontaneously combusted.

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