US President Donald Trump has called on the BBC to appoint him as the new Dr Who.

In a series of tweets at 3am this morning the famously insomniac  US president announced that he would the ideal choice to replace current incumbent Peter Capaldi who announced yesterday that he would quit the long running series this year.

“Dr Who needs a proven winner, someone who can sort the bad dudes forever. I will be magnificent, I’ll be huge” he tweeted.  Adding later, “Daleks, Cybermen, Ice Warriors, they keep coming back. We cannot allow this horror to continue!”

In a statement later, Trump advisor Steve “The Master” Bannon confirmed that Trump would be able to perform the roles of President of the United states, Head of the Trump Empire and Dr Who simultaneously due to complex temporal thingummies that no one understands.

“It’s not as the other two roles take much effort. All he does is watch coverage of himself on TV and tweet complaints. At least as Dr Who he’ll
have a narrative that makes sense.” 

However Trump’s claim on the role of Dr Who has angered the United
federation of Time Lords who in an angry statement announced that they were planning a protest march on Washing to be held last year.

“By temporally pre-dating the protest to before his election we hope to
alert the American public as to the huge threat and disaster this possible appointment poses to the longest running sci-fi series in the history of television, and that it might start a bit of a war too.”

Warning darkly that if the time hopping stunt failed they would be forced to take more direct action.

“Tardises are multi dimensional – they’re a lot bigger inside than outside,
and can easily seat hundreds. They don’t show up on radar, they don’t stop at passport control and they aren’t blocked by walls. Get the picture?” 

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