In an undisclosed location somewhere in an underground catacomb deep under Westminster, project Megachimp has been underway for several months now. It’s aim; to put 1 million chimps to work on typewriters in a desperate bid to find a feasible Brexit plan.

So far they have produced the complete works of Shakespeare, some unusual shopping lists, a novel physics paper on quantum gravity and a Lee Child novel. But alas, no Brexit plan.

A beleaguered civil servant has told us they thought they had it with one plan that started;

“Brexit plan is…”

but continued;

“brick basket blob splash”

The costs of the operation are said to be spiralling out of control as officials are having difficulty controlling the primates who are now threatening to stage a walkout over a lack of bananas and overcrowding. 

Paper supplies and ink ribbons are also at a premium and some chimps have even been throwing typewriters at one another.

On their part a representative of the Chimps told us that they are deeply unhappy about working conditions and want to leave in favour of the chimps’ tea party, said to be in the adjoining offices next door.

They are calling the threatened walkout Chexit and say they will create a wonderful fantasy Chimp world free of the constraints of their human supervisors.

When we hear of any further developments, the Herald will be the first place to read it.