Capitalism is on the verge of a complete irreversible collapse top Economists revealed today with the entire system due to crash, burn, explode and then disappear up it’s own arse at any given moment.
What’s the reason for the impending disaster?
“Boycotts,” explained Dr Abby Nachanel of the Rochdale Community University’s Economics and Dosh Studies Dept. “It all started with some American chicken outlet who didn’t like gays. Everybody decided it really mattered what the bloke who owns the company that makes your fried chicken thinks about social issues and so they boycotted them. Since then it’s been boycott city pretty much none stop!”
“There are people boycotting half the world’s products because they sell in Israel and the makers refuse to deliberately cut one of their markets even though some people have placards and have shouted outside their office,” said Dr Nachanel’s colleague, Professor Penny Spender, “and others who won’t buy one brand of chocolate because the CEO once liked a Donald Trump tweet and retweeted a joke by a man who follows the fan of the brother of a KKK member’s friend’s hairdresser. And every single one of them is tweeting to everybody they know to boycott them.
“But the latest one is just…. that’s it.Done. Bye bye to buy, buy, buy, the economy is roasted, baby!”
The latest boycott referred to is the brainchild of Twitter user Rainbow Dreambender:
“Right,listen right: every company that supports Trump by not refusing to do business with anybody even remotely linked with Trump or his business interests is a big fascist!” says Dreambender, real name Porsche Dawkins-Worthers, about #BoycottEverything, “In fact I have only really just taken it a bit further: all companies and businesses are essentially supporting The Patriarchy and we aren’t going to sit back and allow it! We’re going to not buy things instead! Consumer power!”
But isn’t it a bit daft to expect everybody to hold the same views as you, if you only listened to music by people who had the exact views as you then you’d have a pretty quiet life, right?
“What? How can you even listen to music by people who aren’t enlightened social justice activists like what I am?” she continues, “I only listen to music by non-white, female or trans, pro choice, feminist Bernie Sanders voters that don’t have any investments in anything and live a pure, spiritual life! Anything else would be endorsing fascism!”
Unfortunately for everybody, they seem to agree with her and #BoycottEverything is now the number one trending topic which is certain to translate into global economic disaster any day bow.
“That’s right,” confirmed Dr Abby Nachanel, looking at her watch “Any day now.”