Lone wolves are said to be up in arms this afternoon after CNN compared them to Trump Supporter, Canadian mosque shooter and right wing terrorist Alexandre Bissonnette in an article today.

“This is beyond a joke.” Akela, an eight year old Canadian timber wolf told The Rochdale Herald. “We’re absolutely sick and tired of being compared to Trump Supporters.”

“Every time some loser with some idiotic ideas about white supremacy wanders into a school, a church or a mosque and shoots some people those arseholes at CNN play the bloody wolf card.”


“We’re nothing like white supremacists or Trump Supporters. Firstly we’re pretty good for the environment, without us deer populations explode, they eat all the saplings and you get soil erosion and all kinds of problems with nesting bird populations.”

“Trump Supporters don’t give a shit about the environment. Yosemite would be fucked without us. Just you wait. Trump will be fracking in there in no time.”

He was keen to point out that wolves, unlike far right, trump supporting, white supremacist terrorists don’t eat their young and have loads of friends.

“We’re pack animals. We’re sociable, exist in cooperative groups and are really quite intelligent. Nothing like Trump Supporters.”

“Perhaps it’s time CNN started referring to white supremacist far right mass murderers by their proper name. Terrorists.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.