Unnatural freaks, social outcasts and fictional horror characters are lining up to support President Trump’s assertion that “torture works”.
“I’ve racked my brains to find a good argument against but just can’t”, said Slenderman, the absurdly tall fictional horror character with unnaturally long arms.
“Losing all my teeth one by one, without anaesthetic not only convinced me to turn away from a life of Rochdalian radicalism it has given me an entirely new and lucrative career,” added Rochdale resident, Norman “rubberface” Blenkinsop, seven times Olympic gurning gold medallist, using sign language as no one can understand a flubby wub he sthprays…
His sentiments were echoed by fictional film star, and cordon bleu chef Hannibal Lector, who pointed to the nutritional benefits of consuming unwanted terror suspects.
“Fried gently in a little olive oil, drizzled with fresh lemon juice and paprika and served with a crisp sauvignon blanc, they make an excellent entrée,” he said.
These outpourings of support follow controversial statements by Trump in which he suggested the US could again use torture techniques such as “waterboarding” in it’s fight against global terrorism, and indeed anyone who criticizes any of his tweets.
The US president has received further support from the world of musical entertainment.
The five surviving members of US 60s surf boy band, The Beach Boys confirmed Wednesday that they plan to restart work on the sound collage based on the sounds of flowing water begun in 1967, and abandoned the same year.
“Don’t f*ck with the formula,” said lead singer Mike Love, echoing Trump’s sentiments on the efficacy of water boarding.
More unusually, a strong message of support has come from rock billionaire and global peace messiah, Bongo, the lead singer of Irish snore rockers U2.
Acknowledging that the enforced download of the band’s 2014 album, “Songs of Innocence” to all i-tunes users, everywhere in the “entoir fockin’ world” had been strongly criticised by Amnesty as a flagrant use of “cruel and unusual” punishment, Bongo suggested that given the incredibly tense global political situation, the vast numbers of people being forced from their homes to become refugees and the rise in global poverty, sometimes extreme measures are necessary in order to make your next billion.
“Well if you still haven’t found what you’re looking for, to be sure water boarding is probably the best way to go. Peace and Love !” he said.
