Use of swear words has increased dramatically since Donald Trump’s inauguration, a study has shown.
Since the 20th of January, the average number of swear words heard in everyday conversation has been doubling on a daily basis – and is showing no signs of stopping.
Even those who take pride in never swearing and smugly criticise other people for using swear words are swearing like troopers.
“My wife and I never used to swear,” said one Osric Pureheart, 59, “but that flea-brained f***weasel has f***ed it up for everyone since he took office.”
His wife Alice, 58, was quick to concur. “Every time that f***wit opens his f***ing mouth he f***s things up for yet another group of people. That f***ing c*** is f***ing up the whole f***ing world.”
Prior to the inauguration, Mr and Mrs Pureheart were described by their neighbours as “a pair of prudes who went into shock at the merest hint of a swear word” – now they’re at it with the rest of them.
Estimates predict that by the end of 2017, if the world is still here, every other word used in conversation will be an expletive.
Of course, those few remaining prudes can take comfort in the increasing likelihood that the world won’t still be here. But as far as the rest of us are concerned . . . we’re f***ed.