Sources at Number 10 today denied that there was any connection between elements of Theresa May’s new industrial strategy and the colossal Trident balls-up she tried to cover up.

Today’s green paper contains a promise to boost “science, technology, engineering and maths skills, digital skills and numeracy” which Tory policy had hitherto mandated to be left to rot through traditional education underfunding.

Government spokespersons were quick to point out that this had “absolutely nothing to do with the allegation that the Royal Navy had inadvertently launched a nuclear strike against Disney World last year” even though nobody had asked.

An official from the MoD declared that they have a policy of not commenting on “spurious rumours about accidental nuclear launches caused by dunderhead apprentice submariners plugging their X-boxes into the wrong USB port on the Trident command console” and therefore it would be inappropriate to comment now “particularly since that didn’t happen anyway.”

Theresa May is currently preparing a set of alternative trade facts in advance of her visit with Donald Trump.

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