Analysts and experts of faecal matters are saying that the shit, that was yesterday quite close to the fan, is now a bit closer to the fan.

Some are even saying that there is an increased risk of the shit actually hitting the fan at some time in the near future. We went directly to the leading academic, Professor Bodie-Lee Waist, at the Institute of Shitology;

“It’s now becoming increasingly alarming how close the shit is actually coming to the fan. Every decremental reduction in the copro-faneal distance only increases the probability that contact will be achieved. It may only be a proverbial fan, but it’s an extremely large fan and the vestigial volume of this particular faecal stool is the largest on record.”

We asked him what would happen if this event actually came to pass;

“Many non-experts will tell you they know the consequences of such an event. However the truth of the matter is that no one really knows what will happen if the crap hits the spinny thing, anything could happen, all bets are off!”

Bookies are giving shorter odds on the poop hitting the deck within the next few weeks. With the expected Brexit negotiations now looming large like a drain blocking turd monster and the upcoming inauguration of Donald Trump threatening like a Titanic-scuttling floater in a swimming pool, odds have fallen from a “don’t give a shit” 10-1 last year to a butt-clenching 3-2 yesterday evening.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

The effects of these logs in the U-bend will have unknown effects. The UK economy could be adversely affected and festering disagreements could spill over causing further huge gaping divisions and antipathy among interested parties. Trump’s relations with the rest of world will have unknown knock-on effects with his divisive rhetoric at home and questionable competency causing a great deal of concern to many people for the next few years.

In the meantime people of planet Earth will have to endure the current ongoing shituation of the skid-marked, turtle-headed, cloth-toucher of worried anticipation staring into a gathering shit storm.

The shit show continues…

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