The Met Office has issued an almost unprecedented weather warning this evening after it was reported a woman was spotted on a night out in Newcastle city centre wearing a jacket.

It’s well known that real Geordie women wear sweet FA on a night on the toon, if the reports are real then it could be much, much colder on Tyneside than Forecast.

Reports that she was wearing a coat and a hat have been dismissed as highly unlikely as they’ve been illegal on Tyneside since the early 1990’s.

“It wez reet git baltic an that in toon, but howay man, there wer ne need fre a jacket. Haddaway man it wer na tha cold. The gadgie fre the Met Office has gan proper radgie about it.” PC Gordon Sumner told The Herald, “it’s vital we track her doon an have a wor. It might ha bin a pashmena we need to kna. People’s lives are on the line.”

Roads have been closed, flights have been cancelled and trains won’t run until Northumbria Police track down the woman and confirm she is indeed a Geordie and not a Mackem.

The last time there was a confirmed sighting of a woman in a jacket in Newcastle was February 14th 1979 when 76cm of snow fell on the city in 4 hours almost closing pubs.

Almost.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.