In an exclusive interview with The Rochdale Herald the former Eastern European ‘model’ and wife of President Elect Donald Trump revealed her favourite iPod playlist.

“I listen to Billie Holiday singing ‘Gloomy Sunday”.” Melania told us.

We asked her if there were any others she liked and she told us;

“I listen to Billie Holiday singing ‘Gloomy Sunday’. It is a sad song. It was written in Hungary, they call it the suicide song at home. I have had sex with Donald. Why would I listen to anything else?”

“Listen. Little white flowers will never awaken you. Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you.”

Her eyes are so sad.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.