Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock. 

After coming under increasing pressure from everyone to sod off and die, Mr Hunt has today slimed his way round the problem by making the maximum waiting time to be seen in A+E 2 Ages.

Mr Hunt said, “The waiting times are simply not an issue if you alter the timeframe. In geological terms an age is a few million years. So from now on if someone says they’ve been waiting ages to be seen, then they will be clearly lying and can be prosecuted for slander.”

He continued; “All operation waiting times can now be measured in Epochs, which is tens of millions of years, and we believe a vast improvement in the current waiting times, which is left over from the previous appalling Labour administration.”

It is widely believed by NHS staff that another consequence of this time reframing is that it leaves it open to an extinction level event. Where an asteroid may smash into the earth killing all life as we know it except single celled Tory peers and other bacteria.  The NHS can then be safely privatised. 

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