Nicola Sturgeon has told Theresa May that she is not “bluffing” on the promise of a second independence and has gone to Defcon Fandabidoubledozi!

In an interview with the BBC’s Andrew Marr she squeaked a lot of white noise about the usual stuff and made some heroic efforts to sound relevant and self important.

However, when she said she could “rip a tissue” over Brexit Andrew Marr woke from his 1000-metre stare.

She warned the UK government that “they will be making a big mistake if they think I am in any way bluffing” on the prospect of another Scottish independence referendum. “particularly if we go to Fan-Dabi-Tripple-Dozy” she said.

Mrs Sturgeon, who seemed to smell of Embassy Regals & old Buckfast, was escorted back to the “Moon Under Water” Wetherspoons pub on the high street.

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