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    Categories: AustraliaPolitics

Australian Government launches plan to solve poverty by fining poor people

It has been revealed that secret meetings between the Prime Minister’s office and the Australian Federal Police has culminated in Operation Integrity, a scheme designed to push as many welfare recipients as possible, over the edge.

Centrelink, via a letter from the Australian Federal Police, is sending a letter to anyone they think might owe them a few dollars. The letter, entitled, “You’d better pay up or else,” has been sent to thousands of welfare recipients, past and present.

“Operation Integrity will make sure that any single mums or unemployed bludgers or pensioners, or fakers on disability benefits, will pay up or else.”

The Rochdale Herald sent its Australian correspondent, Lauren Pokes, to get to the bottom of what appears to be yet another attack on battlers.

“Or else what?” Lauren asked a spokesperson from the Australian Federal Police.

“What?”

“Or else what? What will happen if they don’t have the means to pay up?”

“Oh. I dunno, Lauren. We hadn’t thought that far ahead. This is purely to scare the fuck out of poor people to stop them being poor. We don’t actually expect anyone to give us money but it sends a clear message to the community.”

“What message is that?”

“That we will not tolerate poor people.”

On a positive note, Centrelink has covered its arse by posting a link to Lifeline on its website.

Glad we cleared that up then.

Quentin D Fortesqueue: Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.