Following hot on the heels of the popular and successful Juice Plus craze, a new fad is set to storm the nation in the coming months. 

Milk Plus is the latest fad-du-jour of the nation’s hip young droogies and devotchtkas, who can’t get enough of the calcium, mineral and drencrom enriched beverage. 

The effect is akin to being tolchocked in the yarbles by some bolshy bratchny veck whilst bog or god and all his holy angels and saints belt out the Glorious Ninth in your gulliver, and is being touted by malchickniks as ‘the best thing since Goggly Gogol and The Humpers on synthi-barbs’.

Available in all good Milk Plus mestos (and you may oh my brothers not remember how these mestos are, things changing so skorry these days and nobody very quick to remember, gazettas not being read much), Milk Plus (AKA Knifey Milk) is available in three delicious flavours, vellocet, synthi-mesc and drencrom.

Starry old deds and baboochkas are advised to stay indoors for the foreseeable future, as violent gangs of thugs, dressed in ridiculous tribal style outfits and shouting gibberish whilst getting high on drugs, strut around the streets leaving a swathe of fear, violence and mayhem in their path. The next EDL march is due to take place some time in the Spring of 2017.

Welcome to the future.

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