Victoria Beckham’s aspirations to become really “posh” were finally realised when it was announced that she will be awarded an OBE in the New Year’s Honours List.

Mrs Beckham will be recognised for her contributions to austerity Britain, in particular her ability to make her small talent go such a long way.

Victoria, it is reported, had been chagrined to just miss out on this year’s Nobel Prize for Literature. Pipped at the post by grizzled old folkie, Bob Dylan, she had been tipped to bag the prize for her insightful bestsellers about eating disorders and the wearing of high heels.

Further disappointment came when her son, Cruz, failed to obtain this year’s Christmas Number One despite screeching at a microphone just like his mum.

International genius and future President of the US, Kanye West, interviewed through a slot in the door of his upholstered study, suggested she donates the award to Beyoncé.

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