Statisticians today pointed to a 25% increase in Muslims appearing among the top four run scorers in the England cricket team. 

“It appears the sneaky Islamists are obtaining access to the team by posing as world class spin bowlers then once in the team are demanding that the batting order is altered to fit in with either their religion or their comparative ability to deliver a score in double figures.” Said sports statistician Professor Lewis Duckworth.

It is not just cricket which is subject to the threat from the Muslim hordes. Recently a Muslim became the most popular long distance runner in the country and the Arsenal midfield was last week declared a ‘no-go’ area for non-immigrants.

Professor Duckworth concluded ‘It is likely that umpires and referees will shortly be displaced by Sharia courts, and that the traditional half time oranges will be replaced with nut-stuffed dates.’

Speaking from his prison cell on a mobile clenched between his buttocks, religious opportunist Paul Golding commented;

“It’s a discrace. What happened to peaceful Christian sportsmen like Norman Unter, Ron Arris and Tommy Smiff?’

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