In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched.

It will contain jalapeño peppers recorded at 15 million on the Scoville scale of spicy hotness and only real men, real non-gay men, will be able to stomach its ice creamy, manly goodness.

The choc-ice has been re-branded block-ice with inch thick rock hard blokey-coco that only a proper man, with heterosexual calloused bunch-of-banana fingers, could handle.

The bricky bar has been blown up by Richard Hammond from a cowardly safe distance in an old disused stone quarry, after it was wired to dynamite by real experts to prove how heterosexual the Dick is. This was all very funny and now we can confirm it is the most alpha- male, testosterone stuffed choca blocka that any hairy chested down-to-earth bloke has ever laid his hairy palms on.

Said Hammond, “My mate Dave ate one, and he’s a double hard bastard, and it still gave him brain freeze. But that’s okay, brain freeze is totally not gay. My boyfriend told me so.”

Totally not gay then…

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