The BBC are desperately trying to complete series 3 of their hugely popular Planet Earth programme, as with all the fuckery 2016 has offered up so far, bosses are worried that Sir David Attenborough may die before its completion.

The shows director, Dai Recter, said:

“We have thousands of hours of David’s commentary on tape. These days it’s very easy to manipulate the audio, and we’re confident we can squeeze about 80% of the material needed out of that.”

He continued:

“We’ve also got voice artists on board if the worst were to happen. We’d get about 15% out of Jon Culshaw, but only 5% from Alistair McGowan because he’s more expensive.”


Production starts on the third installment of Planet Earth in February 2017. Attenborough is, according to sources at SNN, being held in a secure location in Southend wrapped in bubble wrap till filming is complete.