Content creators and tabloids are celebrating this week as the Supermoon article market shows little sign of slowing.
“It’s kinda the opposite of the so-called Supermoon phenomenon itself,” said Justin Hack, a freelance woo-spinner, “you expect it to be small but in reality it’s flipping humongous!”
A Supermoon is when the moon is marginally closer than usual and is reasonably low in the sky giving the illusion that it’s bigger due to its proximity to ground based objects that allow a different frame of reference. This makes the moon appear slightly larger.
“You can see the same thing any time there’s a visible moon and you’re walking up a hill.” said astronomer and singles club organiser Edmund Glump, “Because you’re seeing the moon in relation to things close by it appears absolutely massive but when it’s in the middle of the sky it seems relatively small. People who get excited by this are essentially Father Dougal in that scene with the toy cows.”
Several times a year the moon is a bit closer and reasonably close to the horizon. Which is kind of the opposite of what is usually meant by rare.
“All you have to do is make up some bollocks about it being the only time this particular set of circumstances will happen for several hundred years and bang on a dodgy shopped image off of Google images,” says Col Ickbayte, of the Woven Green Yogurt website, “and every dickhead with a Facebook will share your advert soaked page with all their equally gullible friends! Add some shit about native Americans or pagan rituals and you’re laughing.”
The trend of going on about how this is the biggest Supermoon in five kazillion decades and will fill the sky began several years ago.
“I honestly thought that by now these eejits might have noticed that these Supermoons are usually barely any bigger than the moon when most people notice it,” laughed Editor of The Daily Mug, Arthur Mined, “but they fall for it over and over and over! I don’t think they even look at the moon! They just share whatever fits with their ridiculously self unaware identity.”
This weeks Supermoon though is different. It will the first time in six thousand billion years that these circumstances have all come together and the moon will be so big that you’re not going to be able to close your front door or breathe out.
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