For years normal people have been subjected to snooty vegans looking down on them and preaching how immoral they are for eating animals just because they taste delicious. It has come to light that almost all vegans are made entirely of meat.

This news will send shockwaves around the world and send vegans into hiding as normal food eaters look for revenge after years of verbal ear bashings as they took the moral high ground at dinner parties.

“I can’t believe the bloody cheek of them” said Derek Jackson of Rochdale “those bloody carrot munching arse boring vegan bastards always giving it the big’un telling me what I should eat and saying animals have feelings, yea right as if… and all along it turns out frickin vegans are all made of meat! I’m outraged!”

We tried to get a quote from the head of The British Vegan Society ‘Tarquin Limplettuce” but unfortunately he was just too weak to answer his phone.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.