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    Categories: CrimeMediaPoliticsUncategorised

Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind of porn they can watch

Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind of porn they can watch.

The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they’re allowed to watch.

Serial text pest, pornography enthusiast and, to his credit, institutional paedophile hunter Simon Danczuk was allegedly overheard to say;

“The Tories want to ban unconventional sex in online pornography. Oh God. You don’t think John Major and Edwina Curry had unconventional sex do you? I need a lie down.”

The Tories are cracking down on films that feature “unconventional” sex acts such as films that don’t feature a man in white tie with his dick in a pig’s mouth or a bound and gagged rent boy full of LSD, wearing stockings and suspenders with an orange taped into his mouth and a bin bag on his head.

A spokesman for Downing Street told The Rochdale Herald;

“As custodians of all moral virtue it is important that we restrict access to the more, ahem, salacious pornographic content. We don’t want to go giving the plebs any ideas.”

The government are expected to get back to the business of ignoring victims of childhood rape and institutional abuse as soon as they have decided how many fingers is an acceptable number of fingers to er, you know…

More on this as it breaks.

Quentin D Fortesqueue: Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.