Theresa May’s Conservative government have quite literally meddled with time in their pursuit of successfully completing Brexit according to their timetable.

The Conservative party used their parliamentary majority to force through the ‘British Calendar Act’, giving Theresa May the power to extend March 2017 indefinitely.

The desperate move comes as May struggles to deliver on any promises she, or anyone else, made about Brexit. A £350m-a-week paycheck for the NHS was revealed as a lie within hours of the referendum by Trump Tower concierge Nigel Farage, while the chances of a points based immigration system have been scratched and of the host of trade agreements the British people also appear to be figment of imagination.

Having set the target date for the triggering of Article 50 – a shot that will likely only hit her in the foot – May now faces the likelihood that Parliament will have to vote on triggering Article 50, while her own cabinet team appears to have no idea of how to proceed with leaving the European Union.

It is not yet known how the almost certain extension of the third month of next year will affect any negotiations with the EU nations, as it is unlikely the dramatic lengthening of March will be adopted on the continent. However, a government spokesperson was optimistic about the timetable to begin formal talks with the bloc.

“We will sit down with European leaders once we have a clear plan on how to proceed with leaving the EU,” they said. “The current target date is the 158th March, next year.”

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