Two new appointments have been made to the cabinet of President-Elect
“Although I know that I will be technically the Commander-In-Chief,
people will get angry with me if I press the button and shit…”, said Mr
Trump today. “…so I have appointed my imaginary friend ‘Fuzzy’ to the
position. Now if the button gets pressed by accident, it won’t be my fault.”
The use of an imaginary friend in a powerful cabinet position is
regarded to be a first, and somewhat revolutionary. He will have an
imaginary seat at the cabinet table. Mr Trump will ‘translate’ his
thoughts for the human members and read out his speeches at state events.
He followed the radical appointment by giving his toy stuffed rabbit,
‘Juanita’ the post of Secretary of Defence. “Some people are complaining
that I haven’t even called the Pentagon yet…”, remarked Mr Trump. “…
I’m the fucking President-Elect. They can call me. My bunny has always
made me feel secure and I’m sure she’ll make America feel safe as well.
For all those PC whiners out there, Juanita is a female rabbit. Female –
and in a position of power inside my cabinet. I want my cabinet to
reflect all of the US, so more racist, gun-loving bible bashers and
homophobes will be coming in.”
Further unlikely appointments are likely.