Documents leaked to Sky News showing that, should results be confirmed, UKIP have been misappropriating EU cash prove that the EU is dodgy, claimed Alf Hilter, president of Rochdale and Greater Manchester UKIP Appreciation and Jam Making Society.

“This had been leaked to Sky News, a loony left propaganda arm of the Labour Party,” spat Mr Hilter, “and the party hasn’t even seen these documents yet! This is proof positive that the EU is a corrupt bag of illuminati jibberjabberers!”

We asked if perhaps the fact that UKIP used funds for reasons they’re specifically not to be used for suggests that actually it’s UKIP that are corrupt.

“Ah well, no, well…right… You see… UKIP were misusing funds… to… to bring down the EU which is corrupt and as any fool knows two point seven wrongs make a right.”

Well, three lefts do.

The leaked documents, from an external audit, show that ADDE, the group in the European Parliament that UKIP are a part of used over half a million Euros illegally and that the vast majority of that was done by UKIP.

If the European Parliament Bureau agree then UKIP will need to repay EUR170,000 and won’t be entitled to further claims.

“Well, we’re being set up by the EU, aren’t we?” shouted Alf, “That’s flaming obvious! They’ve changed all the definitions and it’s a big fix!”

Isn’t it an outside auditors that the ADDE and EU have already agreed to use as an independent and unbiased agency?

“That just shows you how corrupt they really are!”

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.